||some random thought||

ENOUGH OF SINFUL ACT;
MAY GOD LEAD ME THROUGH THE WAY.

well, i guess this post is gonna be on some sort of emotion's issue?
and that could be real boring , i know.
but that's me, isn't i?
a boring person with no impressive memory that is worth bringing out from my mind.
it really wakes me up a lil after reading a novel which i've had borrowed from the lib.
i was practically reflecting myself when i was reading it.
for those moments, i really thought that the main character was me,
although it was only in some ways or so?
but i came to realise that, frankly, i've did some sinful act through this year
and i guess i would never be forgivable.
the feeling of guilt, sadness or whatever simply engulf me here.
seriously, i hope that everything could be back to its normal once again.
i really HOPE that would happen.
but will it ever happen in my life?
nah, i guess not.
sometimes, the comments from others could make you grow; perhaps a lil at least.
it may hurt you in one way or another,
but in the meantime, that could make you realise that, indeed,
you're not a perfect human at all, you've flaws as well.
and besides, no one in this earth has the utmost best personalities yea?
we need to learn and that, we'll be able to grow then.
those unhappy memories simply flooded my mind,
they just couldn't vanish entirely.
really.
it's like a cabinet whereby you've stuffed loads of things inside,
so much that you need to force it to close.
and when you accidentally brushed your shoulders against the doors of the cabinet.
automatically,
everything is just going to fly out.
and it same goes to my thoughts.
it's really dreadful, i can tell.
i would mend everything if i've given an opportunity to do so.
seriously.
but i guess i have to live my life in guilt, FOREVER.

however, those memories of helping people, receiving thanks in return and those kids who bid farewell to me even though i don't know them, really makes my day.
it may not be much, but they really means alot to me.
honestly, seeing people wearing a smile on their faces all the times,
makes me happy.
*a smile in my stomach*
and i truly mean it.

A WHOLE NEW LIFE
is what i would yearn for.
with the changing of personalities and thoughts.

I HOPE I COULD MAKE IT.