Complex

I'm not sure what God has planned for me or why He is planning this way. Honestly speaking, I'm in a dilemma. I hope things don't complicate else I don't know how to choose. How I wish I could decide using my gut feeling instead of my mind.

Till then.

Not knowing

I realised once opportunity has slipped away, it's going to be real difficult to find another easily. I won't say I'm in a tough journey right now because it hasn't started yet. On a pessimistic side, I am in a stagnant situation, not knowing what God has planned ahead for me. It feels helpless simply waiting, couldn't do anything. Honestly, it is a miserable feeling. However, very often I told myself perhaps the time isn't right or it just happened that way such that I could learn some lessons from it. I have to admit I am not a lucky person and the journey so far hasn't been smooth-sailing. But I believe what's meant for me will be mine eventually.
Till then.

Mixed experiences

I was feeling grateful for all the sweet-sour-bitter-spicy experiences I had encountered for the past few months.  While there were moments I had difficulties making decisions, I don't regret making them. In life, there will always be a point where you are standing at a crossroad wondering which path to embark on or whether the decision you have made is deemed right. Knowing your priority is important. For me, i won't give a second thoughts deciding what are my priorities. I am well aware of my priorities. They are there to shape me; to become the person who I want to be in the future. And i don't mind sacrificing the less important things. If they were meant to live in my life, I'll eventually meet them regardless of time. Till then.

I was feeling all sentimental for the past two days as the death of someone with profound knowledge was announced. It triggers my memories; remembering someone so dear to my heart. Time seals the wound but not memories. I thought I was someone so emotionally strong that nothing hurts me. But the truth is, I am not. I am someone who are so torn apart that a hard shell has concealed my fragile self. Perhaps, I am an old woman in a young body experiencing life all over again.

I can't believe I still remember this little space of mine.
Life has been filled with ups and downs, but all these little experiences I had gained thus far, shaped and nurtured me. I have started to find out my own weaknesses and strengths. In short, discovering who I really am. My definition of learning is no longer the same which I thought it was. Learning goes beyond academy, it includes building our characters and improving our soft skills.  

2014 is a year in which I experienced the lost of my loved ones and going through a huge transition in various life aspects. As we grow, things get more complexed and we begin to realise we could no longer act like a child we once were. There is a huge gap between childhood and adulthood. To cross over, it certainly requires huge effort to adapt. Frankly speaking, I am still trying to adapt.

Alright, enough of my reflection for now. I shall continue if time allows.